I’ve been thinking all day about small kindnesses and how large a surprise they can be. I’m thinking about queer community. I am thinking a lot of things about Saltburn, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish. Do see it. Tell me which scene you cringed hardest at and I’ll tell you…something.

This week we bought a new sofa. It is to date the second most expensive thing we’ve ever bought as a couple, and it has been a process of discovering that we have opinions about things that our younger selves would have never dreamed of considering. I have opinions on velvet. I have opinions on the optimal angle for a seat. I have very strong opinions on modern design.

None of those are important when I tell you that this is the build up to a story about joy and community and the connection you can feel with someone. Specifically: we bought our sofa from a gorgeous man and we did the I’m queer, are you queer dance. This is the secret exchange of words that is a little like flirting. It is the slow building of phrases that might mean something until one of you has to come out and say what you mean.

(This is, perhaps, why straight folk think queer folk move quickly in relationships. Flirting is almost the same dance as finding out if it’s worth the flirt, so to save time we do them simultaneously.)

He is a pleasure. He is a delight. He is a lot of energy, and he needs glasses for reading. One of the arms of his glasses had come off – he knew not how – and he lost them twice while we were in the shop. And because he is queer, and I am queer, and so we are family, when I was out and about I bought him a small silver chain to attach to his spectacles so that he doesn’t lose them again.

We dropped back in later that same day, because I had bought tickets to Mean Girls but – and this is very important, friends – Mean Girls is not actually fucking out yet. It is not out until next week. So we walked back past the shop, and I gave him this gift and his joy, his fucking delight, will power me through to next week. You can just buy people presents. Did you know this? Did you know this but had you not, perhaps, thought about it for a while? It’s incredible. Here’s a challenge for you, every single person. Next time you’re out and about buy something for less than the price of a Big Mac that you know will make someone you love happy. Watch how delighted they get and if they don’t, what have you lost? A Big Mac that you might not even have enjoyed?

Come on, friends. The joy is real and the opportunity is there. You have my blessing.