“You should be a magician,” she said.
“A magician?”
She rolled her eyes, laughed. “No, a politician. Although, is there much difference?”
“Yes,” I thought. “Magicians know they’re pretending.”

Another broadly good week, friends. Gather round. I’ve done some things.

I had a little bit of a bump midweek, where I got some troubling news. I’ve mostly now recovered, but I noticed three things about myself in that moment.

1. I don’t like to feel powerless, and in a moment of lacking control I reasserted it by doing something I had total control over. I want to come up with ways of bank of these options that are either neutral or positive, so that I can use them in these moments.
2. I don’t like ambiguity, and I have a bias towards action. This is generally a positive trait, but on this occasion was not. I responded to the information directly, and then had a discussion with my mentor about it today. It was clear I should have done things the other way round – should have waited for his advice before responding, and found a way to get comfortable with the ambiguity.
3. I seek out familiarity when I’m discombobulated. I felt completely out of sorts trying to respond to the news from an unfamiliar location. I sorted it out, but I was surprised at the difference I felt in myself, just from my location.

What else has happened? I gave a great evaluation at public speaking club, of a really interesting speech. I also gave an improvised speech, and was given some feedback to try something completely different next time. I’m inspired by this feedback, and I’m already working on some characters I can use to explore different modes of delivery.

I am exceptional at my club. I draw people in, I share what I know, I love what I do. I refuse to take up any leadership position in it, and I’ve never been happier.

I’ve also been really good at work. I’ve been doing my work effectively, keeping one step ahead of disaster. I got positive feedback about how I chair and facilitate meetings, and how I construct and respond to arguments. Some critical feedback too, about communication. I always underestimate how much I need to communicate, but in remote teams it has to be one of my priorities.

Next week I’ve got a swathe of recruitment to kick off, the ongoing cycle of information flowing through the organisation, and an ever-present sense of someone glancing at me, smiling, and looking away.

See you next week.