I’ve got a new job (perhaps there’s something in the air) and I’m doing my best to write my stupid thoughts for my stupid mental health. I’m trying to navigate what I can talk about in my new job, and what I have to keep to myself. I’ll probably be more risk averse, at least for the first little while, and err on the side of sharing less. Luckily for you, that means more nonsense, and less work stuff. Hurrah!

I found myself quite lonely this week, on a couple of really interesting axes. The first was in myself. I’ve had a couple of home-working days when all I’ve been doing is writing policy, and I’ve found it incredibly hard. No meetings meant little human contact, and I found myself spinning my wheels. This is particularly odd for me, because I can (and have) gone entire weekends without talking to anyone at all. Work, it seems, is something I can’t do in absence of others. Books on the other hand: leave me well alone, thanks.

I suspect one reason I’ve only just realised this is because for the last two years I’ve been solidly plugging away at my MSc. Right now my grade point average is 0.74, which means I’m on track for a Distinction. I’ve still got to write my thesis, and that means sitting down and actually figuring out what the hell it is I actually want to spend 6 months on. At the moment it’s software bills of materials, but it may turn into any number of other things. I have too many damn ideas.

Coming up for breath out of that intensity has made me realise that my partner’s done the hard work of building a network in our new home, while I’ve just got more anxious about the network in our new home.¹ I’ve now got to get out there and find people who do the kinds of things I like to do, which itself prompts a reflection: what are the things I like to do that aren’t work?

Oh, my friends, the brevity of that list.

It’s a joy to enjoy your work – a joy and a privilege. There is no doubt an element of autistic focus in this: I have found my special interest and have made it my entire personality and managed to get paid for it, which is a huge win. But it means that I don’t know what else I like. Still, there’s a list, and I’m going to start working through that list. Top of that list is speaking and performing. I am an absolute maniac for performance, and am nearly feral for performances about performances. I’m signing up for Toastmasters, which feels a teensy bit culty, but could be a good way to meet people who are interested in similar things to me and get an interesting qualification. There’s also a great little network of French speakers here, and I’ve found a Russian class that I could start next year.

What do you mean, “that sounds like more studying”?

Oh. Right.

1. This is a fun little joke. The network is fine. ↩︎